I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
