Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
