my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
