You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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