Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
