Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
