i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
