I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
