So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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