I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
