Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
