I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
