your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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