Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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