she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
