one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
