How'd it feel making her break her religion?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
