Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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