My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
