so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
