I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
