did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
