My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
