Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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