i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
