I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
