if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
