turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
