You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
