you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
