I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
