Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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