I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
