I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As shirtless as possible
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
