Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
