The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
