I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
