I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
