i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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