I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
