a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
