Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
