She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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