I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Randomize
