He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
