I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
