a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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