If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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