i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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