Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
