You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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