Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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