u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
