i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
as a side note pls kill me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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